ha, I don't even think anyone reads this blog, or even has. But its okay, because I like my journal better anyways. But sometimes I want to write things, so people can understand where I am coming from, but also relate to me.
So my subject of this blog is truth. I don't understand how someone can just come into your life, experience it with you, help you through it all, and then leave. And not just leave because they have to, but because they want to, because they are scared. And everything they said was all a Lie. And that Lie, turns into bitterness, and that bitterness turns into Cynical behavior, and that behavior turns into hate, and that hate makes me (and maybe you) unable to love. Because Love was once real, but then it went into a deep scaring wound. And The wound is so deep, and it hurts so bad.
I think that can form out of any type of relationship. Look at the father's of America today, look at the wounds they have caused their family, their children. Look at husbands and wives, look at roommate situations, look at best friends, and look at romantic relationships. Relationships are hard because they are full of commitment. And if someone is to immature, to scared, and not able to risk the pain, they quit. Quitting is not the answer to a human heart, it destroys it.
So with that, I will let out my real emotion:
I hate you for telling me I was beautiful, and to start believing it.
I hate you for making me wake up everyday with thoughts of you.
I hate you for telling me i'd be your wife one day.
I hate you for putting me in high hopes of love again.
I hate you for saying you would help me love again, and if anything you helped me hate it more.
I hate you for saying sorry, but you never even knew what you were sorry about.
I hate you for making me come all the way to you, and you were not who you told me you were.
I hate you for never asking me how I am doing, but really meaning it.
I hate you for never making the time to call me.
I hate you for forgetting about me.
I hate you for painting that picture in my head.
I hate how I haven't seen you face or heard your voice from the day I left you.
I hate how you told me you would give me your all, but you never did, and I gave you all of me.
I hate that I prayed for you everyday, and I know you didn't pray for me.
I hate how much you lie, you lie more then I do.
I hate that you told me things we would do together, and instead you sat on a sofa all day long.
I hate that you wasted so much of my time.
I hate how much you are still around me.
I hate that you had no compassion for the people right in front of you.
And I hate how I somehow made you an idol in my life.
I hate the pain, the suffering, and the heart ache you caused me, if you did anything you made yourself an illusion, and still to this day, you are not a real person. You never were, and you never will be.
And you all ask the same question "why do you hate men?" And I tell you all the same thing, because you all lie, you all say the same thing, and in the end, you all do the same thing. None of you are willing to risk the hard parts. You all do this to me. You all do this to everyone around you.
