Pumpkin Spice Latte.

So this afternoon, about 30 minutes ago, I decided to take a bike ride in this 93 degree thunder weird weather! The fall leaves were blowing about and it was a nice ride. I ended up at the starbucks down the street to get myself an ice pumpkin spice latte! MMM! I splurged (it was pay day) and got a Venti with Wip and yummy spice on top!

So as I am being all cute and stuff on my bike, I place my delicious drink in my basket with my phone! As I am doing this I think to myself "I must ride slowly or my drink will topple over." Within seconds I turn my bike to get on it and....WHOOOSH it all falls down my leg, on my Toms, and all over my phone. GREAT!

So I sucked up my pride ( and decided that this all happened to me because I thought I was big cute stuff riding my bike...) and went on home.

Did I mention the reason I took the bike in the first place? Because my Green adorable Bug, got clipped last night and I am scared to death that someone is going to RAM into me again!

All this to say, I thought my phone was in good shape, until I cruised on home and the bank called me! (They want me to pay my credit card, which I did... PAY DAY REMEMBER!) Asked me to type in my 4 last digits on my social and well... go figure the 4 only buttons on my phone that don't work are the 4 I needed. ha ha!

So all and all I think I learned my lesson:

1.) Don't splurge on Starbucks Drinks

2.) Don't think to highly of yourself

3.) Honk at drives when they hit you

4.) God wants me to save money and not spend it on Pumpkin Spice Lattes, I mean I am going to Myanmar!!! Gosh I should have known.

My Pumpkin Spice Days are over!!!

MYANMAR (Burma)!!!!

So It is official! After turning my application in 3 days or so late and praying a lot about where I should be going this Christmas Break (London, South Africa, Or Myanmar) God grabbed my heart and pointed my in the right direction! The right direction meaning mapped out a plan for me: Stop One: Myanmar, Stop Two: London (when I graduate), Stop Three: South Africa (When I finally realize I need a life after I graduate). So here I am, it is currently like 2 days before October and I have been told that I am off to Myanmar with a Team of wonderful people!

Here is a little bit about the trip on our Facebook Page:

MYANMAR TEAM 2010!!!

Check out the 2 clips up on the side bar! It gives you an idea of what we are doing, and what our mission is! I am stoked!

So more to come about all this ASAP! For now, I need to think of some good fundraising idea's (not only for me, but hopefully for the orphanage) and more details for all you wonderful followers! Until then I have loads of Psychology articles to read... YUCK!

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I'm healing, but its taking so long...

Hi blog friends,

ha, I don't even think anyone reads this blog, or even has. But its okay, because I like my journal better anyways. But sometimes I want to write things, so people can understand where I am coming from, but also relate to me.

So my subject of this blog is truth. I don't understand how someone can just come into your life, experience it with you, help you through it all, and then leave. And not just leave because they have to, but because they want to, because they are scared. And everything they said was all a Lie. And that Lie, turns into bitterness, and that bitterness turns into Cynical behavior, and that behavior turns into hate, and that hate makes me (and maybe you) unable to love. Because Love was once real, but then it went into a deep scaring wound. And The wound is so deep, and it hurts so bad.

I think that can form out of any type of relationship. Look at the father's of America today, look at the wounds they have caused their family, their children. Look at husbands and wives, look at roommate situations, look at best friends, and look at romantic relationships. Relationships are hard because they are full of commitment. And if someone is to immature, to scared, and not able to risk the pain, they quit. Quitting is not the answer to a human heart, it destroys it.

So with that, I will let out my real emotion:

I hate you for telling me I was beautiful, and to start believing it.

I hate you for making me wake up everyday with thoughts of you.

I hate you for telling me i'd be your wife one day.

I hate you for putting me in high hopes of love again.

I hate you for saying you would help me love again, and if anything you helped me hate it more.

I hate you for saying sorry, but you never even knew what you were sorry about.

I hate you for making me come all the way to you, and you were not who you told me you were.

I hate you for never asking me how I am doing, but really meaning it.

I hate you for never making the time to call me.

I hate you for forgetting about me.

I hate you for painting that picture in my head.

I hate how I haven't seen you face or heard your voice from the day I left you.

I hate how you told me you would give me your all, but you never did, and I gave you all of me.

I hate that I prayed for you everyday, and I know you didn't pray for me.

I hate how much you lie, you lie more then I do.

I hate that you told me things we would do together, and instead you sat on a sofa all day long.

I hate that you wasted so much of my time.

I hate how much you are still around me.

I hate that you had no compassion for the people right in front of you.

And I hate how I somehow made you an idol in my life.

I hate the pain, the suffering, and the heart ache you caused me, if you did anything you made yourself an illusion, and still to this day, you are not a real person. You never were, and you never will be.

And you all ask the same question "why do you hate men?" And I tell you all the same thing, because you all lie, you all say the same thing, and in the end, you all do the same thing. None of you are willing to risk the hard parts. You all do this to me. You all do this to everyone around you.

relaxed

Hmmm the last few days have been so relaxing. Although its been an up and down ride for my stomach, its saved me from the stresses of life. I have gotten to sleep in, watch movies, have time to write long entries in my journal! (not this journal, my real one!!)

Anyways, I been praying a lot about children. I know its a little weird right? Well ever since I found out it will be hard to have children with the disease I have, I think about it sometimes. I have always wanted kids, and I still know I will have them. And I always had it in my heart to adopt a child. So lately I been praying for him/her. And wether alive or still in God's plans, I pray for my future baby. And this all might sound weird...

Well last night I was journaling, thinking. As most of you know I have always wanted to work with Children. Any type of kids. For years I wanted to be a school teacher, a special needs teacher, a school counselor, a youth director, and create an orphanage! And most of you know my passion for S. Africa, and the love I have with the place! Most of you know its my dream to move there. 

Well as I was journaling, it came to me, maybe God's plan is way bigger then I imagined. I sat there thinking...maybe I am getting his vision now. Maybe I am to move to S. Africa, start an Orphanage, the one I see in my dreams. And Maybe its not just one kid I been praying for, maybe it will be all my children in this place.

I don't know but I am so excited on that thought. 

1st days without Alie around

Hello Everyone, and Alie,

Okay, so I have not written in a while, as I said a few days ago, and a few days ago, I mentioned I would be writing to Alie (and Sommy if she reads this), while they are in Kenya! So let me tell you what has happened sense you been GONNNNE!! 

Yesterday, I got really excited about Houseboats! (Thursday) that I packed already and I cleaned my bathroom too! hah! You can already tell I'll be the OCD Houseboat Leader! But yes, I am stoked! Vicki and I have decided that we are the Autumn/Fall/Thanksgiving/Pumpkin boat! yes we were going to be Safari, but no place had anything like that...weird I know!! So its going to rule, because I love the fall! DUH!

I went to the Doctor early in the morning, and I found out kinda some new info about my Fetus, haha or fletcher, or just my cyst! hah! So I have 4 large cyst, some fluid randomly sitting there, and they found out I have an upside down, inverted uterus! Can you Believe it? I am actually an alien! hah! Plus you would love the Doctor I saw, he told me no more Dark Soda Drinks, its sucks calcium out of my bones, and get this, he said ABSOLUTELY NOT to drink Diet Soda, there is stuff in there that is so bad for you, some people are getting paralyzed from it! SO STOP DRINKING IT ALIE (and SOM!) I also got the HPV shot and it was so awful, I hated it! Sucks I gotta get two more! And I almost Fainted, I got light headed, I guess people faint all the time from it. so I sat for 20 mins! Anyways I am healthy! haha

 Also on Thursday, we played Kickball at Church! OH man it was fun, and I was scared the whole time! Here is what happened!

So Lily, Janice, Sara and I were all out in the out field! I think Preston kicked the ball and it came falling toward me! I put my hands out to try and catch it, ran backwards, and just screamed the whole time! As I was about to catch the ball, I turned and it hit the ground! Everyone was laughing at me, I am such a pathetic leader, nothing compared to you Al! Vicki of course stepped it up and was the Thrower person, what ever thats called! 

After that we went back to Vicki's and watched so you think you can dance finals. Ade, and Melissa went home, and our 4 finalist are Jenne, Kayla, Evan, and Brandon! So can you believe it! 1 more show! I'll let you know! So Then we were going to Swim (Vicki, Lee, Sara, and I!) but we all got tired and went home! (as always!). Oh and I kissed lee on the forehead to trick him, he fell asleep, but we all laughed because he didnt even move...Oh Lee.

So Today is Friday, and I leave for HB tomorrow, and I am stoked! I hope your sister is on my boat! She wrote me the nicest thing on my FB wall, it was like " i am so thankful for you :)) you are amazing♥ just hope that would brighten up your day! " Cute right? Anyways, I am praying she is on my boat, I would be stoked! Other then that we loaded the boxes in the van today, packed the boxes, and we are off to Go! I'll write you a private message later too! ;) So after that I came home, I tanned a little, cleaned a little, the regular! Getting Bored yet? Cause I am! Oh my life! wish I was with you! So Now I am writing you a little blog, and I am getting ready to go to the Benefit show to see Urn and Gretchen! YES! I am so excited!! I'll give them a hug for you and fill you in on their life later! 

So That is all! I am heading out! I love you girl, I will be praying for you and I will see you (kinda) after HouseBoats! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

I made a promise

So in less in 5 hours my best friend Alie will be going over to Kenya, Africa. She will be doing awesome things along with my roomate Somerlyn! I am so excited for the both of them! I promise Alie that I would try and update this journal so she knows what I am doing while she is gone! So alien, here is to you!

If anyone wants to follow them here are their Addresses:

Somerlyn: www.somerlyninkenya.blogspot.com

Alie: www.Alieinkenya.blogspot.com

cool love you all!

When I almost doubted...

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. - CS Lewis