Letter, Letters, and Meditation...Oh and some beanies?!

Well it is starting to get busy around here... well kind of ha ha! When am I ever REALLY busy? I don't like living my life in that way!

Anyways let me give you all a break down of what has been going on lately! I recently ran out of my 40 hour limit on Pandora, so goodbye all my indie scene chill music, and hello to the only 2 CD's I have on my computer... Taylor Swift and Ray LaMontagne! I know what a weird mix! But Hey maybe for the next couple of hours these two Jams can keep me preoccupied!

I recently just drove up to Northern California aka my beautiful home town. My Best friend Alie Marie Renton just got engaged to Handsome Christopher Scott! I couldn't have protected a more perfect matched made in christian world couple! haha! Chris is the boy who has set up this whole Myanmar mission team. I believe this is his 8th year going, and well Alie, is just my best friend in the whole wide world, thanks to her I am still going on with life, and well a bit stable, as stable as I will ever be. So Congrats you two city love birds!

Besides that I am just busy working on sending my last few Myanmar support letters! Want a quick sneak peak? Alright fine... I will show ya ;)

Wahoo! Thank Goodness those take up SO MUCH TIME! Actually I quite enjoy doing them ha ha, so why did I say thank goodness? I have no idea. I am weird.

Alie and Sadie (my best friend who is also going on Myanmar, and a friend going on the trip) are making Beanies, Flowers, and Little Crocheted Bows to get us some support money! $5 dollars for the flowers and bows, and $10 dollars for the beanies! We are also doing a after turkey day 5.5 K run with our church to raise money for our mission to Myanmar team! Want to purchase a beanie?? Here look at how AMAZING and TALENTED these girls are:

Crazy right? Want one? email me: Kristy2103@yahoo.com I will hook you up!!!

Besides all that, I have been trying to practice some meditation, I think it will be good for my soul, stress, and to draw closer to God... Oh and maybe just help with my overall being.

Until Next Time I have something to say... Love. Love. Love.

Myanmar is a GO!

Dear all the people who follow my Blog, meaning maybe one! ha!

So after a lot of prayer and searching, My heart is with Myanmar. It has been two years that I have really thought about this, and I feel as the time is right, and it gives me something to look forward to while I suffer this last year in school. I am really excited, and I finished my Support Letters! If you are a fellow Blogmate/Blogstalker and would like to support me or pray for me, send me your address to: Kristy2103@yahoo.com And I would be happy to send you one of my letters in the mail :) I would just stick it up on this Blog, but what happened to old fashion letter stampin' mail sending personal messages? I think I would like to keep that as something in History.

Besides that I am preparing my heart for this trip! I am looking forward to finally meeting the faces I am praying for and just experiencing the culture and to walk down the markets in the street! But most of all I am looking forward to building relationships and loving the children in the orphanage and learning from the Myanmar culture as a whole! It will be awesome.

Besides all that, here is a funny story for your pleasure:

Halloween us coming up and a few things have happened that are spooky:

1. I went to Knott's scary farms (a halloween haunted theme park where 13 scare houses are) and while walking through one, a monster threw his scissor hands around my neck, we posed for a picture and he kissed me... on my cheek! I turned and said "WOAH MONSTER is that allowed? and he said no, but I liked your cute Pony Tail." ha! AWESOME!

2. In class just yesterday I started seeing funny colored wavy lines in my left eye. I came to the conclusion that someone must have spiked my coffee that morning and now I was high and hallucinating. Yet that was not it. So I turned to my friend to see if she saw anything in my eye. But as I turned, my whole left eye went black, and I raised my hand in class and said "Umm I think I just went blind in my left eye." I walked my half-blind self to the Health Center, were I got a shot in my butt and a referral to an eye Doc. ALL and ALL I had some thing called a visual migraine. Very uncommon, but you get them from to much Stress...and I wanted to throw my stress in the wilderness and focus my life on positive thoughts in my world... Scary how that didn't turn out so good. Maybe I am turning into a Monster???!!

Chow Chow.

Two Different Puzzles

My Heart is torn. God???

Pumpkin Spice Latte.

So this afternoon, about 30 minutes ago, I decided to take a bike ride in this 93 degree thunder weird weather! The fall leaves were blowing about and it was a nice ride. I ended up at the starbucks down the street to get myself an ice pumpkin spice latte! MMM! I splurged (it was pay day) and got a Venti with Wip and yummy spice on top!

So as I am being all cute and stuff on my bike, I place my delicious drink in my basket with my phone! As I am doing this I think to myself "I must ride slowly or my drink will topple over." Within seconds I turn my bike to get on it and....WHOOOSH it all falls down my leg, on my Toms, and all over my phone. GREAT!

So I sucked up my pride ( and decided that this all happened to me because I thought I was big cute stuff riding my bike...) and went on home.

Did I mention the reason I took the bike in the first place? Because my Green adorable Bug, got clipped last night and I am scared to death that someone is going to RAM into me again!

All this to say, I thought my phone was in good shape, until I cruised on home and the bank called me! (They want me to pay my credit card, which I did... PAY DAY REMEMBER!) Asked me to type in my 4 last digits on my social and well... go figure the 4 only buttons on my phone that don't work are the 4 I needed. ha ha!

So all and all I think I learned my lesson:

1.) Don't splurge on Starbucks Drinks

2.) Don't think to highly of yourself

3.) Honk at drives when they hit you

4.) God wants me to save money and not spend it on Pumpkin Spice Lattes, I mean I am going to Myanmar!!! Gosh I should have known.

My Pumpkin Spice Days are over!!!

MYANMAR (Burma)!!!!

So It is official! After turning my application in 3 days or so late and praying a lot about where I should be going this Christmas Break (London, South Africa, Or Myanmar) God grabbed my heart and pointed my in the right direction! The right direction meaning mapped out a plan for me: Stop One: Myanmar, Stop Two: London (when I graduate), Stop Three: South Africa (When I finally realize I need a life after I graduate). So here I am, it is currently like 2 days before October and I have been told that I am off to Myanmar with a Team of wonderful people!

Here is a little bit about the trip on our Facebook Page:

MYANMAR TEAM 2010!!!

Check out the 2 clips up on the side bar! It gives you an idea of what we are doing, and what our mission is! I am stoked!

So more to come about all this ASAP! For now, I need to think of some good fundraising idea's (not only for me, but hopefully for the orphanage) and more details for all you wonderful followers! Until then I have loads of Psychology articles to read... YUCK!

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I'm healing, but its taking so long...

Hi blog friends,

ha, I don't even think anyone reads this blog, or even has. But its okay, because I like my journal better anyways. But sometimes I want to write things, so people can understand where I am coming from, but also relate to me.

So my subject of this blog is truth. I don't understand how someone can just come into your life, experience it with you, help you through it all, and then leave. And not just leave because they have to, but because they want to, because they are scared. And everything they said was all a Lie. And that Lie, turns into bitterness, and that bitterness turns into Cynical behavior, and that behavior turns into hate, and that hate makes me (and maybe you) unable to love. Because Love was once real, but then it went into a deep scaring wound. And The wound is so deep, and it hurts so bad.

I think that can form out of any type of relationship. Look at the father's of America today, look at the wounds they have caused their family, their children. Look at husbands and wives, look at roommate situations, look at best friends, and look at romantic relationships. Relationships are hard because they are full of commitment. And if someone is to immature, to scared, and not able to risk the pain, they quit. Quitting is not the answer to a human heart, it destroys it.

So with that, I will let out my real emotion:

I hate you for telling me I was beautiful, and to start believing it.

I hate you for making me wake up everyday with thoughts of you.

I hate you for telling me i'd be your wife one day.

I hate you for putting me in high hopes of love again.

I hate you for saying you would help me love again, and if anything you helped me hate it more.

I hate you for saying sorry, but you never even knew what you were sorry about.

I hate you for making me come all the way to you, and you were not who you told me you were.

I hate you for never asking me how I am doing, but really meaning it.

I hate you for never making the time to call me.

I hate you for forgetting about me.

I hate you for painting that picture in my head.

I hate how I haven't seen you face or heard your voice from the day I left you.

I hate how you told me you would give me your all, but you never did, and I gave you all of me.

I hate that I prayed for you everyday, and I know you didn't pray for me.

I hate how much you lie, you lie more then I do.

I hate that you told me things we would do together, and instead you sat on a sofa all day long.

I hate that you wasted so much of my time.

I hate how much you are still around me.

I hate that you had no compassion for the people right in front of you.

And I hate how I somehow made you an idol in my life.

I hate the pain, the suffering, and the heart ache you caused me, if you did anything you made yourself an illusion, and still to this day, you are not a real person. You never were, and you never will be.

And you all ask the same question "why do you hate men?" And I tell you all the same thing, because you all lie, you all say the same thing, and in the end, you all do the same thing. None of you are willing to risk the hard parts. You all do this to me. You all do this to everyone around you.

relaxed

Hmmm the last few days have been so relaxing. Although its been an up and down ride for my stomach, its saved me from the stresses of life. I have gotten to sleep in, watch movies, have time to write long entries in my journal! (not this journal, my real one!!)

Anyways, I been praying a lot about children. I know its a little weird right? Well ever since I found out it will be hard to have children with the disease I have, I think about it sometimes. I have always wanted kids, and I still know I will have them. And I always had it in my heart to adopt a child. So lately I been praying for him/her. And wether alive or still in God's plans, I pray for my future baby. And this all might sound weird...

Well last night I was journaling, thinking. As most of you know I have always wanted to work with Children. Any type of kids. For years I wanted to be a school teacher, a special needs teacher, a school counselor, a youth director, and create an orphanage! And most of you know my passion for S. Africa, and the love I have with the place! Most of you know its my dream to move there. 

Well as I was journaling, it came to me, maybe God's plan is way bigger then I imagined. I sat there thinking...maybe I am getting his vision now. Maybe I am to move to S. Africa, start an Orphanage, the one I see in my dreams. And Maybe its not just one kid I been praying for, maybe it will be all my children in this place.

I don't know but I am so excited on that thought.