My Life

"My Life is my Message" - Gandhi 

When I was in S. Africa last year, I visited a place were Gandhi was thrown in Jail, a place he walked, and I actually worked at the Jail he was in. It was a great experience. More to be learned about the compassion people have for others, and the will power it takes to love on everyone. It is beautiful, and it amazes me. 

Anyways, I want my life to be my message, I try to live this out, but I am a human, I am no awesome person, I am just me, and I am way defaulted and I have my own issues too. 

But I was looking into the ocean lately, and It just kept reminding me of how HUGE the world is, but how small it is as well. And How God is really the Huge one in it all, and I love that He is such a mystery to me still. When I think about God, I have that childlike faith all over again. 

The other night, I was journaling, for 2 hours, about the last past 4 years of my life, and for the first time EVER, I cried like a child, tears of joy, and hope, and peace and everything wonderful, because I finally get it! I get God's amazing love and his grace and forgiveness! I was so happy. I am so happy. 

My life is my message, and that is what its all about. I want to Live, I want to learn, and I want to do something amazing, so I can rejoice everyday and be so Glad and thankful I have my God, that God who loves me, and has always been the same. 

I can't wait until School is done, sometimes I get restless thinking about how much longer I have, but really, 3 semesters is not that much! And I will only be 22, and I can do so much. =) 

In this time of lent, I am so so grateful I am finally understanding the meaning of forgiveness, to forgive myself and others. It is helping me to love and grow, and have a passion, an ongoing never dying passion to help others across the world, and even in my own world. 

I thought I would share. "My Life, is my Message..." Let your life be yours. 

google...

has great advertisements! I *clap* for them. Reminds me of my childhood! Great Job guys, keep it up!

Werid...

tonight. Yep. that was weird.

hah, good night world. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little brighter.

Actually I hope it rains, because I will be in class all day. =/

This was not an interesting post AT ALL!

Oh, but Leighton, I love you! Glad I got to Skype with you!

My Dad

My Dad is freakin buff. He is the one on the right. I guess thats what I get for having a father who is an ex-body builder. And don't worry he was one of the ones that don't take steroids to get buff!! Boys, my father always said "Your boyfriend, you bring home one day, must beat me in an arm wrestling match." 

News flash dad: I only like boys who are tall and real skinny. Guess that wont happen. 

Thought I'd share. 

oh P.S. Happy St. Patrick's day!!! I had too...I'm Irish. =)

Men...

Men...

There are no such things. 

ya how does that make you feel?!?

BAHAHA! I am evil, and I don't even care at this point =)

Maybe I'll be merciful one day, and love some man, but right now...not so much. 

p.s. I realized that to forgive the one I loved before it HUGE, I must forgive him, i must forgive the others that hurt me and my friends, and Forgive the things I find wrong in men. And then maybe I can love again...but Until that day....And until someone can prove themselves....not happening. 

Oh the Alien inside of me...

Today, I choose to write in black! (DUN DUN DUN...)

I must say, this is a truly DARK day. It all started when my alarm clock didn't go off this morning, and I almost missed chapel. CRAP. But hey I woke up.

Chapel...was fine. Except I almost puked on my roommate 4 times. She loves me though, so I don't think she would have cared, but the cute boy in front of me would have never looked at me that same...darn. So I held it. 

Came home. tried to work on some Homework, but my heard hurt so bad, I laid down, pasted out, and ALMOST missed the VAG doctor appt. (which would have been actually brilliant!)

So at this appt. I got asked all about my sexlife (which is not active), and my doctor was high impressed I don't smoke, drink, or have sex. She basically thinks I'm an idiot for being 21 and not living a normal life. Oh well at least I wont die early, unless a bus hits me, or aliens come to kidnap me. Which reminds me...

The Alien that was found attached to my Ovary on March 9, 2009, is well..STILL THERE. And I wont be getting him surgically out until a month. (MAYBE). They are making me take the devil's drug of Birth Control. The Doctor thinks It will make my bad cramps go away, my long LONG periods control themselves, and heres a plus: The only side effects are No Ache (wooHooo) and Bigger Boobs...although I would prefere it if they just shrank. Oh well. (sorry for all you men out there, but dang the ladies know where its at!!)

So all and all, in 1 month I get another ultrasound (the baby machine thing), to see if the Alien (aka: The Cyst) shrinks or goes away completely. Which would be great, but If it does not, I get surgery just in time for... SPRING BREAK! ( LAME )

So there you have it. I am still alive and My alien is still kickin'!

New Freakin Awesomeness

I think I am in love with the new...New Found Glory Cd! It is pretty much amazing, and I want to go see them play on the 27th with set your goals. I think YOU should pay for my ticket and take me. 

Thanks that is all.

Oh...I miss Ceej! If you are reading this YOU ARE MISSED. Oh and Hi friend amanda! hah! Oh and "girlfriend" of Ceej's. 

Fun times with my...well my ovaries (Great Story)

I'm not really sure if this will show up in PINK, but the color is very girly, and this is a girly subject. But it is a very funny story. It started out with being on my period...yay fun times right? NO NOT AT ALL. I had very bad cramps, which made me look up on GOOGLE "how to make cramps go AWAY." I found all kinds of interesting things:

-Herbal Tea (Hot)

-Heating pads

-Sexual intercourse (Right...kinda odd)

-Going on a walk or a short run.

-Medicane! (which is what I ussually go for.)

Since the medicine was not working =(, taking 2000 MG of Advil is to much, so I stopped before I killed myself or my liver. said no to sex, tried to heat from the pad and tea, but still no luck. So My only choice...go on a run.

After the run I still had Severe cramps! BUMMER RIGHT?!?! 

So I take a warm shower, faint, get up and throw up everywhere. Oh so much fun, NOT. 

So I'm crying, I'm in pain, no roommies are home. So I call my friend Brooke. She picks me up, we go to ER and this is what happens, kinda awkward. 

-I'm told I am going to be doing some tests here are the following:

1.) A "new" student nurse is going to assist me with an EKG (which is this heart thing, they have to do it cause I fainted.) They stick little stickeys all over my body, plug and attach little knobs to the end of these things to read my heart stuff (patterns I guess.) Come to find out, the boy goes to APU (which is the college I attend.) He is  pretty cute, and I'm nervious because he has to STICK these things around my boobs. So now a boy at my school has seen my boobs. SICK, maybe i'll get a date out of it. Brooke was laughing in the corner, it was so awkward. So as he is leaving we all (Brooke, me and Boy) start to laugh.

2.) Couldn't think things could get worse. The doctors come in, send brooke out, and asks me about my sex life. I told him Brooke knows everything, she could have stayed in with me. But then he says, has brooke stuck her finger in your butt before? and I said...NO! And he tells me he is going to have to stick is finger in my butt!!!!! AHHH!! So yes, his lovely finger was in my butt, pushing on my cervics. I was in quite some pain, but to make it a little funny i was thinking..."I feel like a gay man at this moment." So that was WEIRD.

3.) My Nurse who was the only woman I saw stuck me with IV and took my blood over 10 times. AHH. She was great though. Told me so many funny stories. Which helped me. and she gave me a bunch of morphine WOO! So i was floating! I felt great.

4.) I get an ultra sound done ( like what you have done when you are prego!) And the lady is "ooooing and awwwing" because she found something and tells me no results. she wheel chair's me back to my bed, as I sit for an hour to see what my results are.

So at this point brooke leaves (it was like 5 hours), and Alie comes. We find out I have a cyst on my ovaries that is bigger then my fist. So now I must go to the Vag or Gino Doctor to see what kind it is, and find out when I get it removed. JOY. 

So all and all I am going to live guys!!! So much for having my monday off.